Grey Thanatos


The contents of this post are quite extreme & I would advise that anyone who is easily upset should take heed & stop reading now.
I would also point out that I am alive & well & operating on a stable basis but I wrote this, particularly the later section, honestly & that can be a difficult thing to experience.
I have previously stated that painting is a life or death issue & here is the proof.
Don’t say that you have not been warned…………………………………

The reason why I destroy the larger part of my output is so that I may preserve my memory of each piece in its perfection & not have them exposed to further critical analysis, mostly by myself but also by anyone else who views them. They are only important to me whilst providing the possibilities to produce further works that may excite or interest me. It is the journey that interests me & not the destination.
This is selfish & I am aware of this, but it is only because I hate to experience what other people call reality.
Throughout my life I have experienced extremes of joy & misery. The point at which time ceases to exist & the moment is all that there is. At this point anything is possible: uncontaminated by any external influences such as breathing, eating, society, morals or any other physical criteria.
I have a form of synaesthesia which is particularly apparent when under the previously mentioned extremes.
Joy has a colour & it is a rectangle of gently ululating gold surrounded by orange & red.
Misery is a tunnel of static like greys with sparkling flashes of silver & black.
Despair & panic are shaped like a killer whale & are black & white with flashes of red.
The world seems to rotate upon an invisible axis whereby an infinite number of possibilities occur or depths of perception that were previously invisible line up & can be observed. This state can be momentary or can last for several days according to general perception. It is because of this that I have attempted a number of times to achieve a form of visual depiction of these states in a variety of ways.
Whilst strictly a graffiti artist I applied multiple processes to letterforms to achieve a complex of purity that could not be altered & from this I developed a two dimensional form of compressing time into a single point that would allow the viewer multiple possibilities of perceiving a single form, this was born of a form of vorticism but embraced aspects of perceptual theory learned from 9th degree & other forms of perceptual experimentation as a method of compressing every possible essential variant of a letterform so that when viewed the observer chooses one or several interpretations of a commonly understood element (ie the letter).
After this I became more interested in a search for a type of thematic lyricism often associated with figuraton that combined a blurring of multiple methods. Again this begins with a readily understood common cipher, in this case being the human figure, & applying one or a number of processes to it. These processes are in this instance ones of symbolic resonance often taken from literary sources or a number of mixed metaphors that will reveal themselves over time & research. This means that there exists a thematic motif that can be perceived in a number of ways & when subjected to closer inspection should reveal layers of meaning in much the same way as symbolist poetry operates. I mention this because it has become a straining for pushing myself into greater extremes to experience the delirium that allows these worlds to become apparent.



Stop reading now because it is about to get nasty……………………….



To illustrate the practice:

I have been deliberately forcing myself deeper & deeper into areas of misery & depression in order to suck the marrow out of these feelings, I would rather have joy but it is elusive & fleeting & I cannot seem to find anything of this type to inspire me. I would also mention that I am something of a coward in terms of physical pain & so require an external driving compulsion to send me into areas where I am so tormented that action becomes inevitable.

The action on this most recent occasion was to attempt strangulation.

I achieved the initial stages pretty quickly & effectively & blacked out with a minimum of discomfort but something must have gone wrong because I regained a form of consciousness during which I saw a portrait that I had previously disregarded as being not worth completing as a personification of a fuzzy grey Thanatos with piercing eyes emerging from a sparkling suicidal greyness.
The blood vessels in my eyes & all over my face had now blown so it was difficult to see & I was very disorientated & slightly concerned as to how much permanent damage I had done now that I was still alive & too exhausted for another attempt immediately whilst the impetus remained. I considered opening my wrists but when I tried to reach for where I had a pack of razors so that I might complete the job fairly painlessly whilst I was disoriented I fainted almost completely & lay wheezing on the floor with the tourniquet still partially in place & the painting became a focus for my blood swollen, semi focussed eyes as I drew half breaths around the obstruction knowing that I was foolish & my torment would not cease & that I would have to face another morning. Not only this but unusually C had decided to come down & talk at me about being miserable so I cleared the equipment as best as I could & sat by the easel with my back to her & pretended to be interested in a distracted way until I could make no more pretence at being ok & snapped at her unfairly so that she would go away & let me vaguely compose myself.
I slept in a shirt when going to bed later so the marks on my neck where covered but she noticed the blown veins & concluded that I must have a heatstroke & a rash to which I concurred. I have no wish to worry her any more than is necessary with my stupidity.

When people comment on my paintings & say that they are beautiful & that the eyes are filled with something otherworldly I generally avoid a direct response because to me they represent a failure to interact with a world that I can barely tolerate. A failure to speak openly with anyone close to me & a failure to communicate correctly in anything other than ciphers that no one will ever understand. When I attempt to be as accurate as possible people think that I am being difficult or obtruse & this increasingly so in these times of unfettered opinionated ignorance. I have tried to edit myself into only the best parts so that most of the whining, frightened corporeality is removed & that I can perhaps survive as an idea or memory of these better elements of myself, however mistakenly, in the minds of just a few people who took the time to be interested. I have a problem with not being able to prevent the negative aspects of my personality from leaking out & poisoning things. Most often it only serves to hurt those who I care about which has the effect of amplifying the initial influence. When I get this way I often try to withdraw & limit the influence.

Is it wrong to want to cut away all that is bad about me so that only the better aspects remain?

It is painful to have to exist closer & closer to normality as the only thing that keeps me going even vaguely is the wonderful panoply of possibilities that can be viewed at the apex of creativity even if it is destructive in its nature when I apply it.

My beautiful, hateful, grey faced Thanatos.



Grey Thanatos
How I despise your face knowing that your presence means yet another day of misery. Your disparaging glance is a reminder of every one of my myriad failures & the inescapable , red hot pricks of conscience & consciousness, a measurement of just how far I will always be from that blue lit oblivion that I crave.

Today I have tried to catch something of the grey Thanatos that I glimpsed through the noose & I thought that it was time to be honest about aspects of the creative process & about just what an idiot & coward that I am for thinking any of this makes any kind of difference. I am a stain on the world & the sooner that I get up the courage to wipe myself from its appalling surface & stop snivelling the better it will be.

NB

I am still here after this episode & still struggling along just like everyone else. In my view all artists are bloody selfish & self absorbed & it isn’t really as romantic as it seemed when reading about those tortured souls chronicling their own downfall. What started out as a poetic ideal of redemption has turned into a horrid, desparate & ugly grind & overall I would have preferred to not have made this journey but whilst I am capable I thought that it may serve to explain what it was like so that no one else has to.



Lily of the Sparrows

Phillip Evergood wrote of his painting Lily of the Sparrows that he had spotted the subject whilst,
“ walking along that section under the old El, between Sixth St. & West Broadway… a little bald headed, white, beautiful face was in the window with little bits of crumbs- alone. She could have fallen from the window & been killed.”
When attempting to create her likeness he added layer after layer of paint but was dissatisfied with the results & slashed away all of the coats until the various attempts coalesced & he was left with the amalgam of beatific idiocy that remains.
For me it is an echo of my own painterly methods of frustration with a result that is a harbinger of instability & simple joy in the face of neglect.


Lily of the Sparrows 1939
Phillip Evergood



Inspired as much by the story as by Evergoods painting methods & the resonances with my own search for threads of meaning I have made my painting with a somewhat different reasoning.
I call where I paint the batcave & it makes Francis Bacons studio feel like a Trappists cell. It is the room at the front of my house where there is a perpetually shrouded bay window & outside of this window there is an overgrown dog rose bush that has often been the cause of arguments between my neighbours & myself as I allow it to grow so wild & unchecked. Initially this was a protection from the local teens who used to sit upon my wall shrieking, drinking cheap booze & discarding fried chicken wrappers as there was an old red telephone box directly in front of it that they obviously felt an obligation to be near. When the box was removed some years ago the rose had become home to two male house sparrows & their numerous mates who would fly in & out of the treacherous thorns with indecent speed. I have often been prey to those thorns when to-ing & fro-ing & I once used the branches to frame a large canvas for an exhibition & was dutifully scratched until my hands were swollen & sore & wept copiously for days. The painting was rejected from the show as being a health hazard. I was of the opinion that if anyone was stupid enough to hurt themselves on what was obviously sharp & painful then it was their own fault. When the wind blows the thorns scratch eerily against my window & I can hear the fluttering & desperate cries of the birds who call it home & I am reminded of how short & violent are the tiny lives of these creatures that we commonly perceive as so sweet & picturesque. I listen to them often & am struck by the fact that they are generally violent, territorial & aggressive. They make me question my own tenuous relationship with existence & if the roles were reversed how I would fare under their circumstances, if I too possessed a tiny, fragile body covered with minute soft feathers in a symphony of soft browns & greys that appear at first drab & those legs so thin & fine that the surging blood that swells through them ending in the perfect claws must pass one platelet at a time & the pert & inquisitive beak with a labia like crest & finally the eyes that blaze with cruel life that is all impulse that never questions itself but is vibrant & violent & ceaseless until snuffed out in a rage of down & blood by some barely interested local tom or pecked to pieces by a magpie over a morsel or frozen in perfection by the combination of starvation & colder bitter winters that obscenely strip its bones of all feather & flesh till they are hollow & the lightest whisper of a breeze plays a tune so small through that ossified marrowless flute that not even metaphors could hear it. They are ciphers for me of bubbling insanity: enigmatic & beautiful from the outside but tortuous, painful & miserable to experience first hand. Pain looks great on other people.
The vitality of the tiniest creature astounds me as I am so far away from empathy.
The calls of the sparrows mock me from just beyond the glass whilst I scratch away at paintings that are filled with the unending wish for death & pure blank black misery watched over by a painting from my childhood of tumultuous storm driven waves crashing against rocks as black as my own selfishness.
I managed to catch a tiny fragment of this for once in my version of Lily of the Sparrows & in my clumsy way distill it into a single image of tumult & misery & torment in the shadow of vibrancy; eyelash by eyelash & feather by feather. I retreat to the grave one grey hair at a time; painting by painting, tooth by tooth, second by second, breath by breath. Unusually I actually kept the picture upon completion & made a frame from the dog rose once more, much to the chagrin of my poor fingers which are swelling as I type. This does not mean that I am any more vital or placated or satisfied with the result but that there is some small & almost silently apt lyricism remaining within me to torment myself with during every drear moment in much the same way as pressing briefly at these cuts on my fingers provides some momentary relief whilst inflaming the wound.

Lily of the Sparrows2013


Lily of the Sparrows2013
Earlier sketch for the portrait

She Exists Within The Cracks



Narrow 2
Portrait of Anja Plaschg Soap&Skin
Graphite on Bockingford paper


anja plaschg - she exists within the cracks

She Exists Within The Cracks 6
Portrait of Anja Plaschg Soap&Skin
Final version with decalcomania aerosol overlays
Soap&Skin My Heart Is Empty


she exists within the cracks 8
She Exists Within The Cracks 8
Portrait of Anja Plaschg Soap&Skin
acrylic on canvas

Soap&Skin Sugarbread live Scala, London

she exists within the cracks
She Exists Within The Cracks 9
Portrait of Anja Plaschg Soap&Skin
Acrylic on canvas & aerosol on glass overlay

Soap & Skin - Lost

This is birmingham. An insiders view of the birth of post graffiti that is deliberately vague to protect the guilty.


I am aware that my own story is somewhat atypical & there have been a number of convergencies that led me to my own left hand path.

Firstly, I am the product of 19th century nouveau riche & downright Brummie scum.
By the time that my parents arrived the money from the northern mills on my mothers side had run out but thanks to some shrewd investment on the part of my great grandfather there were many valuable artworks & objects within the family so my early childhood was a magical place filled with bronzes, paintings, books & art nouveau utilities. It left me with expensive tastes but no means of satisfying them.

A school of Rembrandt deposition that terrified me hung next to a decorated grandfather clock at the top of the stairs in my grandparents house & whenever I went to the toilet at their house I had to to run past it to avoid the dead eyes of the christ that hung lifeless but accusatory & the misery of the hands that drew him down from his lonely wooden tower as the clock ticked a countdown on my own corporeality with warm tones.
I took those stairs down three at a time in terror sometimes vaulting over the bannister to land heavily near the nursery steps to the irritation of my grandparents.
Fear has always played a key role in my memory since before I was conscious of it, as a defense I made an active decision to remember everything that I experienced in detail as if that would give me the key to all that I found disturbing in life.
The wrinkled hands of my dying great grandmother which were cold & filled with a feeble love that could not overcome her appalling suffering whilst she lay bedridden in a closed devotional room, Saint Anthony around her in numerous forms. Many times I was left alone among antique clocks & decorated sideboards as the rest of the family attended her stifled cries of pain unechoed by the sad eyed beauties in the picture frames or those selfish lovers who continued their ageless courtship on vases that I could not touch or on porcelain miniatures that I could not touch or on decorated panels around a priceless gilded carriage clock that I could not touch.
She took a long time to die & much of it I spent gazing at a picture of a tempestous sea crashing over rocks as black as my own spiteful wish that she would just be quiet.
That picture hangs in my studio now, I wish that I also had the book "The Cruel Sea" that was on the bookcase fifth from the left, second shelf up, navy blue cover, gold writing on the spine that I mistakenly tried to read to understand the painting.
My grandmother painted.
In those moments that I spent with her & her box of watercolours we shared the joy of creating.
Me at work on dinosaurs whose names I memorised in latin, she on quick sketches of me with my brow furrowed in concentration or of her grey muzzled dog Lucky who brushed our legs under the kitchen table while we worked.
She spoke often of suicide in reaction to the protracted illness of her mother, "...when I get ill I just want a little pill so that I will not be a burden on my family" was an often heard phrase.
She need not have worried because she died very quickly after a short illness, too quick for me to complete a drawing of Winnie the Pooh & Piglet walking into the sunset asking "I wonder if anything interesting will happen tomorrow?"

I painted.
On the flysheets of books, on furniture, on paper that was given to me to scribble on & in the borders of the american comics that I had become fascinated with. I totally devalued a first edition of Fantastic Four number one with my scrawl.
Swamp thing, Man Thing, Spiderman, Iron Man, Vampirella, EC comics, Last Gasp of San Francisco & later Justice League of America, The Airtight Garage, 2000AD, Heavy Metal.
I consumed them all, read every word & marvelled at Hostess Twinkie adverts & X-Ray specs & kit versions of the Universal Monsters.
It was all out of date & out of reach & I remained in my own fantasy world. The lettering & title pages fascinated me the most & I often made cryptographs with figures in them. An art teacher painted the words out of a detailed picture of a raised Schmiesser pistol that I had submitted as homework. He also gave me an F for a raven made from the word Nevermore.

Poe had scared me beyond sleeping after I had read a biographical account of his obsessive nature & miserable death. It had resonance with all of my own selfish fears of mortality & suffering & death.
As a result my parents removed all of my comics & books & would not allow me to watch Monty Python or Spike Milligans Q series. I remember "The Ying Tong Song" being shut off as I was enjoying it too much. "It'll give him nightmares." Thus removing any point of reference that I had for understanding why I was frozen with fear in the company of other children or dogs or adults.
As a result I raided libraries for Psycho, A Stone for Danny Fisher, Last Exit to Brooklyn, The Pomegranate Tree or anything tragic or obsessive hardly understanding much but seeking out those passages that had significance to me.
The beginning of Crime & Punishmet where a horse is flogged beyond death convinced me that everyone who used the phrase had read the novel & I was frustrated that I could only jigsaw sections of it together.
My classmates liked football, I couldn't move.
I was frozen to the spot trying to understand why they were chasing a ball & became a target for their cruelty.
I stared at them puzzled whilst they took turns to hit me to see if they could provoke a reaction & I finally identified with that pale corpse that watched from the top of my grandparents staircase.

My tastes metamorphosed into science fiction as I tried to control my fears by becoming like the robots that destroyed human weakness. I found Kraftwerk & the irony passed me by entirely. I listened to radio during the sleepless nights & found that there was a whole world that existed outside of my mothers much loved 60's vinyl. I searched record shops for albums that contained a dogma that would allow me to become an electric unfeeling monster, there were none but I discovered album covers that looked like my pictures filled with words & images combined.

"I wish I could draw like you!"
My first wall painting was a composite of 2 Tone reords covers in 1980 & it gave me a reputation around where I lived as it could be seen on my bedroom wall when I had my curtains open.
At the time there were still youth tribes so although there was a lot of positive reaction I also became a target for rockers who smelled of petuli & racist skinheads & teds.
I was chased a lot as a nigger lover & after I was beaten once & had to walk several miles home I met the brother of an irish classmate who had recently returned from Canada via New York.
He helped me past a gang from the wrong side of the estate & back to his house where he let me wash my bruises & showed me some photographs of his trip & talked about the "Rotten Apple" & how awful it was & the graffiti, the place on the photos was like a bomb site & covered with tags but mixed in there were shots of wall paintings like the titles from comic books.
I was shaking still but could not be sure if it was from the beating or from seeing an echo of what I was doing from so far away.
It was not until a few years later that I discovered the paintings were made with aerosol paints like the ones my father kept in with his tools to cover the rust on a series of old cars. Prior to that I had tried to emulate the method by mixing paint in windowlene bottles & made a terrible mess.
I had so many drawings in a similar vein that I had to destroy them on a weekly basis keeping only those that I could not bear to part with.
When Subway Art came out later I was already interested in the music we then called electro as it was a continuation of the futurist robot music I so wanted to be a part of as a child.
I was using aerosol paint from my fathers tool box on walls & paper & everything else that would stay still but never like they had in this book.
It had changed so much from the scrawl I had seen in 1980 & was huge & beautiful & there were hundreds of them.
A friend told me he was going out to do "a piece" & showed me a drawing that he had done & was planning to go out with some paint he had stolen from the bus depot.
"I've got some of these" I said & we went to my house where I showed him one of the folders that I had filled to bursting with letters & figures & cartoons.
He looked at them for a long time & became more & more excited.
"We have to do THIS one!"
It was a piece saying "WEIRD" which was an insult that I got a lot & we arranged to go the following night to a place he knew. I drew a buck toothed cartoon superhero for the left side that night & we met after school:he brought the paint & I brought the drawings which he laughed at he liked them so much.
We boarded a bus & we went into the city both shaky with anticipation.

Radcliff (hereafter Ratcliff) subway was a service tunnel for the Queensway subway & had sat unnoticed since its completion & had gone into disrepair.
It was littered with empty bottles & trash & some of the doorways had been boarded up & then partially broken open by the derelicts who used it as somewhere to drink, piss & sleep.
We found a spot near the end from where it would be easy to run into the Queensway if spotted & we began to paint together in a runny jelly chrome & green outine, decided that this looked shit & reversed the scheme till we had the letters & the cartoon complete.
It looked a bit like what we had seen but was rough & horrible.
We caught a bus after sneaking out of the subway covered in paint & convinced that we would be arrested on sight. On the way back we met a classmate & H told him,"We've just done a piece!", he didn't know what we were talking about.

I was dissatisfied by what we had done & the following day after school I went to a garage near where I lived that had a bucket of spray paint & spent my dinner money on a couple of cans of blue paint & went back to try again putting an outline on our piece & a cloud around it like it said in the book.
There was no one else around. Only the rumble from the Queensway & the stench of diesel & spray paint. I returned to that place several times to try & make good on what we had started.
There was nothing else down there in terms of grafitti & after a while I started to accumulate paint from garages, bargain bins & H would shoplift where he thought was easy pickings.
I was too much of a pussy to steal & was never very good at running.

After a while I was the only person who would go into Ratcliff & I spent time down there with a bag of paint & drawings instead of going to school; adjusting the paintings that I had made, starting new ones when I had become bored with those down there & trying different paints.
I was hardly ever bothered & would rabbit into the Queensway tunnel when I heard anything till the spot had become safe.
My little brother & I used to spend saturday afternoons in the dark dripping effects onto concrete till we had run out of paint & then checked out potential stockists on the way home, we found a bin full of old stock behind a car parts shop in Harborne & went bezerk filling every pocket & bag with cans till we rattled with every step.

Even I lost interest as the paint stock dried up & for months I did not return till a youth club asked my friend to grafitti one of the walls & he lost his nerve, asked me to do it & then hung around taking the credit while I did the work.
I took the cans that they had supplied home & my thoughts turned back to the tunnel with new ideas that had festered in the drought. They were spiky & complicated due to the lay off, filled with many outlines repeated on top of each other to increase the unreadability. I learned this from reading about William Burroughs experiments with cut ups & mistakenly reading the Futurist Manifesto when I was looking for Gary Numan references in the art department of the library.

I became friends with some guys who did breakdancing at school so that I could be excused from PE classes to practice breaking.
They got to play mix tapes of the best electro & the girls would gather to watch on their way back to the changing rooms & they thought that I could join them so they could get me to paint up old tracksuits for them.
We called ourselves "The Knights of Chaos" after some figures in fantasy role playing books. I sometimes talked to their girlfriends as equals which had never happened before & I tried to impress them by using their eye liner to do portraits.
I did another youth club painting & kept the paint again so that we could go out as a crew & try to make something new.
This time there was a bubble letter Villa Youth outline near the top of the main wall. Someone else had been into my subway & marked it.
The style was useless & I was annoyed that someone else would bother to put up such rubbish.
As a point of honour we thought we should abandon the quiet of the lower section & stay forward of the door to the second part to show the Villa Youth how to really paint grafitti. With one rather unenthusiastic lookout we began to hammer out the Knights piece & with four painting it took hardly any time to look finished. After we had done & were exiting someone said,"it looks just like Subway Art".

A few little tags had started to appear on buses & around the youth clubs where kids were having breakdance battles. The tags were usually territorial.
I didn't go as I was a crap dancer but I began to get a reputation in absentia from doing Tshirts & track suits.
At one of these the Knights bumped into Juice 126 whose tags I had been seeing on the backs of bus seats, when he appeared at a youth club I was painting he dropped a tag on the wall & I said "So that's you!".
I was very anti tagging because I thought that it detracted from the pieces, took up painting space & was surprised that he would mark up a spot I had painted without doing something better than I had claimed it with. To me it was like dogs pissing up a tree.
We got talking & went with the rest of the crew & some paint to show him why "....this is nothing, you should see our pieces in town!".
His eyes nearly dropped out when he saw the piece & he went mad with a can of white trying to fade out the highlights & the other guys were pissed off but I could see what he was thinking & was impressed by how he seemed to know everyone from going to all day events around the midlands.
After we had spent some time painting we exited the subway & wandered with him to where there was another piece. A Rossi outline with arrows on it. We bumped into some guys who he knew & he told them about our piece. They seemed to be impressed.
On our way back he & I talked a lot about grafitti & he told me about real grafitti artists from america who would be coming over to paint in birmingham on saturday & how he would introduce me to Brim.
This was so surprising that I agreed to go along forgetting about my usual shyness.
The other guys took the piss.
"What if Brim thinks your style is basic?"
I didn't care as I thought that I had a style that could beat anything that I seen & was holding it in reserve.

That weekend I met Brim, Bio, 3D, Mode 2 & Pride, Goldie, Sweetske & Jimi Hendrixs' old girlfriend asked if they could film us talking about the grafitti after they had spoken to local muralist Steve Field.
As things began to wind down into a morass of people showing off later in the day I spoke with Bio. He showed me some outlines that I quite liked & gave me some paint. He said something to me that made me realise that Birmingham was a little town compared to New York.
At that point I knew that I couldn't follow what the New York grafitti writers were doing much as I had previously thought I wanted to. I had spoken with Mode & seen what they had done in Paris with Bando which was astounding.
I took some of the left over paint that was lying around & went down to Ratcliff as angry as hell at how shit my work was to put pussy pink details over everything I had done before.
Now the subway began to get tagged & outlines appeared.
One was "The Deviious Fresh" by the Fresh Team which was opposite the Knights piece.
It stayed unfilled for a while but when it was filled in a couple of times it took form.
Top to bottom blockbuster letters & characters. I was threatened by it because although it had no style or complexity it was big & impressive & more TFT pieces started to appear.
A loose writers meeting had started to happen in Ratcliff & pieces started to appear every few days.
I went once & talked with Atiske who had done the Rossi piece & his brother Bitz & Astro who was then in their crew UBA. Some of TFT may have been there & sketchbooks were shown & tags swapped.
It was the end of the first era.

I no longer held the sole claim to the best site in the city & would often be disturbed by other writers who would try to make a name for themselves by tagging up in Ratcliff. They rarely did any pieces & were certainly not experimenting but only emulating that which had been published. I could not understand why they didn't go out & find their own sites so that there would be a network of secret galleries around the city.

After this tags began to appear all over the walls making it hard to paint straight onto the concrete & we had to roller out a block of emulsion to do the Five Wild Artists piece. By now the police had started to take an interest & whilst we were painting FWA, they came down into the tunnel. Paul was on my shoulders & the lookout was hanging around & moaning when we heard them & rabbitted out of there leaving Paul in mid air. It wasn't until I was at the doorway that I remembered that my schoolbag containing all of my paint, outlines & schoolbooks with my real name on was still in front of the painting along with a disgruntled Paul. I had to run back up & slid to the bag in a frenzy as the police rounded the corner. I grabbed the handle & sprinted back the way I had come, past the door trying to jam it shut & down the second part of the tunnel leaping the steps & straight out across the Queensway with traffic all around, horns sounding as I ran up to the mail office & then back into the city.
That night was over but the following one we returned & I completed the painting while the rest of the guys talked with other writers & squabbled about something or other.
A little while later I met Jade from TFT & we talked. I was hardly painting in public due to all of the attention that Ratcliff was getting & increasingly frustrated at being unable to locate a better regular spot to play with.
He took me out to some single hit sites around the city that TFT had pieced but I was disappointed at the long term prospects of them becoming separate cauldrons of creativity.
We agreed to meet & discussed the idea of hooking up together. He had heard that the Knights were "bubbling", I told him that we were doing almost nothing & that I wanted to get out & paint as much as possible & invited him to the library on tuesdays where Juice & I had started to go through the art section to find stuff from New York in the pages of Artforum & also to trawl through architectural digests like Domus & other publications.
We kept the photocopier humming & then went to scope out new spots to paint. Jade never got into the library visits as he was more settled on the graffiti path & pickings were thin back then.
I had signed a contract with the Knights as a grafitti crew to work with an agency on events & modelling shows where I did all the design & painting & we split the profits five ways so they could buy tracksuits. After a while no one else showed up & I did everything alone. They were threatened by my talking to Jade & Juice.
At one of our meetings Jade & I decided to form a new crew.
I would be the brain, he would be the heart & Juice would be the mouthpiece.
We sealed the deal at his place with a bottle of Thunderbird which I had never touched before & never will again. Juice came along later & we pooled ideas for a style that had been in my mind since talking with Bio. Different from New York style because we had no underground transport system & heavily influenced by what I was finding in the library on Lucio Fontana, Pat Adams, Max Ernst, Jean Arp, Wassily Kandinski, Franz Marc, Arnulf Rainer, H.R.Giger,etc.
We threw ourselves into experimenting by swapping ideas & outlines.
As I wanted to introduce robot logic I said we should call our crew "Robotechs", Jade shortened it to R-Techs & then Art-X. It struck me like a bolt & we had our philosophy & modus operandi in that instant. Each of us working on different aspects of the whole. We pooled our resources both physically & ideologically & were insatiable in our thirst for new methods of working. It became a formula of Jade on the straight letters, me on the complex letters & characters & Juice on the backgrounds & letterfills but very quickly developed into something different.
Juice was obsessed with a Futura record cover with wiped paint on it & I was playing with automatic marks made from throwing paint like the early Max Ernst abstractions.
We stalked the art shops after our library sessions to check out the books & wait for the supply reps to hit the art shops with free samples which we would take as soon as they touched the shelves, then ask the assistants if they had any samples & do it again. When we split into individuals we would net four times as many samples than if we did it together. We followed the Badger rep around Birmingham from Spectrum to the Midland Ed to Everymans taking every free board, marker, transfer lettering sheet, brush, catalogue or anything else that we could lay our hands on.
Every day was spent trying different techniques. Pooling, marblising, wiping, spilling, spitting paint to obtain effects that we had seen in paintings by Therese Oulton, Una Bryce, Myffanwy Johns.
Dripping came as a direct reaction against what Chalfant had recorded in Subway Art that drips were considered inept & Bio talking to me about "the wack" writers & how you could never be a king if you had drips.
If they hated drips we would fill our paintings with drips to create a new authenticity.
This was Birmingham, not New York.
We bulldozed our history every few years & made it all again.
If they did not accept us then we would not accept them or their rules.
To live in a ghetto is unfortunate but to recreate someone elses is stupidity.

I had seen Bridget Riley & Richard Davis. I had spent time with shit paint dribbling down my pieces & actually liked the effects sometimes. Gestural & splash painting became the order of the day & Order (later Loc) joined us with a love of art nouveau & Georges Matthieu. His outlines were as individual in application as they were echoing of natural forms.
When we put these aspects together with Juices love of Neville Brody letters that were so cut down that he used King Tubby records to achieve the circles & Jades mercurial ability to absorb these styles & feed them out as graff we sparked something that was our own entirely. When other writers said that we couldn't do it & it wasn't grafitti we did it more & took it further out. Mocking their ignorance. It isn't graff unless the Yanks do it first. Our aim was to transgress the limitations of New York grafitti style. We encountered resistance & hostility from everyone who we considered to be an authority. The americans were particularly annoyed whenever our paths met & became protectionist. When we joined some of TAT for the Rocking the City exhibition some time later threats were made & antagonism was the order of the day. I deeply regret being very rude to Vulcan who was trying to placate the situation & build bridges. My decision had been made & I would never follow anything that the americans did because they were so limited in their logic & application. Their paintings were no more than territorial markings in my view & concerned only with obtaining notoriety which I considered crass. I developed a philosophy of antagonism against the prevailing partisan notion of what grafitti could be & went out of my way to be ugly & obstuctionist & via my readings & experiences at colleges & universities & galleries with John Salt, Bridget Riley, Kenneth Anger & Michael Aquino & The Process became more & more interested in satanism & abstraction. I considered any affecting of american styles to be retrogressive & ignorant. In order to evolve each area & each artist must depict that which is specific to them, to copy was to stagnate. Trompe l'oeil space was negated & theoretical abstraction of form, shape, colour, thematic or organised symmetrical space was investigated. Paint was not a medium of depiction but a physical presence in itself. Georges Matthieu considered his action paintings to be useless as soon as they were finished. Only when they were being made were they of interest. I came to hate that which I had loved due to its approximation by imbecilic copyist notions that could not deconstruct a letterform or understand the cryptograghic nature of symbols or ciphers or the linguistic constructs that necessitated them. I began to destroy letterforms back into component linguistic sigils & invented new methods that stripped out all attempts to combine them into refinements that related to aural equivalents. To take letters into their phonetic base & start again with no embellishment. Most writers had no idea what a serif was. Still don't. From here they started to question notions of time & sequence & possibility. I took my impulses into these forms & compressed them together to reform lettering that could be subjected to multiple processes simultaneously to keep time from moving. The sword of perception was beginning to form.

The tagging was getting out of control & bringing heat down onto spots which were hard to come by. The transport network was being destroyed & as we had to endure constant questioning into our other activities I suggested that we devise a no tagging policy among our expanding affiliates. It was practically unenforceable even among our own & a huge police operation to clean up the city made it dangerous to be involved with other writers just as we were beginning to aquire interest in our activities. It was the old story of jealousies & betrayals. Any attempt to secure a legitimate spot was hampered by people who had no idea of how long it took & how much effort had to be put into securing a site. How frustrating to have spent months negotiating a site only to have it destroyed immediately by other writers sometimes within our own group who could not keep their hands to themselves. I also ran foul of many a person in authority who would not accept our ideas & was branded as difficut & cut out of negotiations. Juice was more patient & had better success. He also fit their racist preconceptions of what a graffiti artist should be better than I. Many a journalist or PR liason waited until he was around to ask him what I was doing. Echoes magazine waited for at least an hour to interview him about my work. An amusing reversal of usual practice.
I started to dissassociate myself from the movement & only work in places that I knew I was totally in control of. I would do the design work & planning & outlines but would not appear in a public space or event or job. More & more I detested the opinions of other writers, the attention of the press & their idiotic questions, worse still the television coverage that always followed the same writing on the wall reform cliches, even the word for word espousal of my own doctrines from my associates & I became reclusive & uncommunicative delving further into 9th degree experimentation & satanic theory. I sought education & was thwarted by jobsworths or dilettantes. I developed a library, practiced perceptual magic & moved into photographic chemistry. Always painting, always changing. Whenever I found a style or method that worked I would reject it so that I was constantly battling to achieve anything. My lecturers despaired & said that my logic was perverse but in my view necessity is the mother of invention & the will to power was the only thing that mattered, even more than the resultant power itself. Make it. Destroy it. Make it again. Only I had the power to create my work & if I had to destroy it in sacrifice to a greater purpose then so much the better. My ideal was to be utterly forgotten. To make something beautiful in isolation away from other writers or public influence just like in those first days in Ratcliff. Me against the wall, nowhere to go, just beating physically against the wreckage of the city to be creative. From here the paintings started to question notions of time & sequence & possibility. I took my impulses into these forms & compressed them together to reform lettering that could be subjected to multiple processes simultaneously to keep time from moving. The sword of perception was beginning to form.

A Marriage



R. S. Thomas (1913-2000) teemed with contradictions: a passionate advocate of Welsh nationalism he wrote in English and sent his son to boarding school in England; an undemonstrative man he composed the most tender elegies for his wife; a man of devout faith who all his life experienced the elusiveness of God; a poet who hardly ever left the narrow confines of north Wales but who at his death was hailed as a major European poet. This "troubler of the Welsh conscience" (Professor M. Wynn Thomas) was born in Cardiff, the only child of Huw, a captain in the merchant navy, and Margaret. In 1918 the family moved to Holyhead for his father's work. Thomas grew up in an English-speaking household, only learning Welsh when he was thirty, a major cause of regret as he didn't feel fluent enough to write poetry in his native tongue. He studied Classics at the University College of North Wales, Bangor and then undertook his theological training at St. Michael's College, Llandaff, being ordained as a priest in the Anglican Church of Wales in 1936. From then until his retirement in 1978 Thomas's ministry took him to a number of rural parishes in North Wales: the bleak beauty of the landscape and the hard lives of the peasant farmers became abiding themes in his poems. In his first post in Y Waun, Denbighshire, he met his future wife Mildred (Elsi) Eldridge who was an English artist. Though they often seemed remote from each other (no one can recollect seeing them touch in public) their marriage proved as enduring, lasting fifty one years until Elsi's death.




Elsi had a promising career as an artist prior to her relationship with Thomas.They had one son, Gwydion, born in 1945. Thomas published three volumes of poetry before his breakthrough to a wider audience came in 1955 with the publication of Song at the Year's Turning. In his famous introduction John Betjeman wrote "the name which has the honour to introduce this fine poet to a wider public will be forgotten long before that of R. S. Thomas." Thomas wrote over 1,500 poems in his life and although there were developments in subject and style - from the early poems rooted in the physical realities of place to the more abstract and metaphysical investigations of his later work - his poetry was consistent in its seriousness of purpose. In Thomas's eyes the modern world with its technological conveniences was a dangerous distraction from our spiritual existence. Sometimes this aversion to the 20th Century could take on Luddite-like proportions - Thomas's son recalled sermons in which his father railed against fridges and washing machines - but Thomas certainly practised what he preached, living an extremely ascetic life. The language of the poems reflects this: the words are simple and spare, the lyric voice often fierce but capable of a kind of severe compassion and a prophet-like intensity. Thomas's uncompromising vision continued to attract admiration: in 1964 he won the Queen's Gold Medal for Poetry and in 1996 was a Nobel nominee (losing out to Seamus Heaney). Thomas died after suffering heart trouble at the age of 87. There was something in Thomas of the "voice crying aloud in the wilderness", the loneliness of a man socially isolated form his parishioners by his education and from the contemporary world by his temperament. But this sense of isolation is what makes his poetry "very pure, very bitter" (Al Alvarez) like the Welsh landscape he knew so well.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xumcj0_r-s-thomas-a-marriage_creation







I made this painting very loosely from a portrait of P.J. Ginther Harrington by Sweet MelVa (Melissa Lynn), the theme was derived from Thomas' elegy to his wife which I first heard whilst travelling from Darlington to Birmingham. I was so struck by the tenderness & brevity of his words that I had to stop the car & absorb the beauty of it & it has remained in my memory since only recently coming again to the fore whilst I worked on this painting.
I had a purge in the Batcave & wiped out all of the partially complete paintings or those that I felt did not achieve their intended purpose & since then I have tried to remove all of the layers of detail that will never be seen & concentrate only on the absolute basics of intent. Most of the new work has been characterised by the use of gold & other metallics & this is the first of that series to achieve any kind of lyricism thanks almost entirely to my memory of hearing the words of R.S.Thomas.